Today, after giving feedback to a team member, I asked how the feedback had felt and whether my intention was clear. I felt that we understood each other better and became a little closer. That conversation reminded me how much listening matters in leadership. I want to help people improve while also caring for the relationship we are building.
Here are four habits I want to practice, with simple ways you can try them, too.
1. Ask, listen, and check again.
“Ask one question, listen to the end, and even if you think you understand, ask one more to check.” Why it matters: We can hear someone’s words and still miss what they mean. A follow-up question gives them a chance to correct our understanding. A simple way to practice: Ask one open question. Let the person finish. Then repeat the main point in your own words and check whether you understood correctly. Words to try: “How do you see the situation?” “Let me check that I understand. You’re saying that… Did I get that right?” Leave time between questions. Listen for an answer that might change your view.
2. Pause and separate facts from assumptions.
When I feel upset, I want to slow down before responding. Why it matters: A strong feeling can lead us to decide what someone meant before we have checked. Separating the event from our interpretation helps us ask a fairer question. A simple way to practice: Take a breath and identify three things: what happened, what you are assuming, and what you still need to ask. For example: Fact: “The task was not finished by the agreed deadline.” Assumption: “They do not care about the work.” Question: “What got in the way?” After listening, discuss what needs to happen next. Understanding the reason and addressing the missed deadline can be part of the same conversation.
3. Give clear expectations and ask what support is needed.
When I delegate, I want the other person to understand what success looks like and take responsibility for their part. Why it matters: Unclear expectations create room for misunderstandings. An agreed check-in gives both people a chance to catch problems before the deadline. A simple way to practice: Agree on the result, the deadline, any required procedures, and a check-in time. Then ask what help or resources are needed. Words to try: “Please complete the inventory count by Sunday at 6 p.m., following our counting procedure. Let’s check in Saturday about any obstacles. What support will you need?” Give the person room to organize the work within those expectations. Follow through on the support you agree to provide.
4. Make room for feelings, then agree on an action.
After giving feedback, I want to understand how the other person experienced the conversation. Why it matters: My intention and the impact of my words may be different. Asking about that impact gives me something useful to learn, while a clear next step keeps the conversation connected to improvement. A simple way to practice: Ask how the feedback felt. Listen and reflect back what you understood. Then agree on one specific action. Words to try: “How did that feedback feel to you?” “What is one thing you can work on this week?” “When should we check in?” Be clear about who will do what and by when, including any support you have promised.
A small step for tomorrow For my next conversation, I will start with one habit: ask, listen, and check my understanding before giving advice. You can choose one habit to try, too. Afterward, ask yourself: “What did I understand better? What could I do differently next time?” I am learning to give myself room to grow as well. I can take responsibility for my words and my actions while allowing others to take responsibility for theirs.
One thoughtful conversation at a time, I am learning to listen and learning to lead.
